What is responsive desire?

Responsive desire is a type of sexual desire that emerges in response to pleasure, rather than being spontaneous.

What are the two primary parts of the Dual Control Model?

The two primary parts of the Dual Control Model are the sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibitory system.

How does stress affect sexual response?

Stress is one of the factors that can affect the inhibitory impulses in the sexual response process, potentially impacting sexual desire.

Why is creating a context important for a strong sexual connection?

Creating a context that allows both partners' brains to have access to pleasure is crucial for sustaining a strong sexual connection in long-term relationships.

How does positive communication about sex deepen the erotic connection?

Positive communication about sex with your partner can deepen the erotic connection and prioritize pleasure in your long-term relationship.

Mastering Responsive Desire: A Guide to Better Sex | Dr. Emily Nagoski

Name: Mastering Responsive Desire: A Guide to Better Sex | Dr. Emily Nagoski
Uploaded: 2023-04-17 11:47:08
Description: Understanding responsive desire and creating a balanced sexual connection through positive communication with your partner is crucial for long-term sexual well-being and pleasure.

This article is a summary of a YouTube video "Good sex explained in 9 minutes | Dr. Emily Nagoski" by Big Think

TLDR Understanding responsive desire and creating a balanced sexual connection through positive communication with your partner is crucial for long-term sexual well-being and pleasure.

Key insights

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"Screw the spark" - Dr. Emily Nagoski challenges the idea that spontaneous desire is the only normal way to experience sexual desire.
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The Dual Control Model suggests that sex works in the brain just like all the other things in our brain, with two primary parts: the sexual excitation system or accelerator, and the sexual inhibitory system or brakes.
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The brain is essential for sex, as it processes all the sex-related information in the environment, including thoughts, beliefs, and imagination.
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Arousal is a dual process of turning on the ons and turning off the offs, and it's not just about inadequate stimulation to the accelerator.
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The perception of pleasure depends on both external circumstances and internal state, which can make certain kinds of stimulation feel amazing or irritating depending on the context.
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The key to sustaining a strong sexual connection is co-creating a context that allows both partners' brains to have access to pleasure.
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The goal in a long-term relationship is to have smoldering embers ready to be stoked, and partners should have a shared vocabulary for understanding how to do so.
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Sexual well-being is not about the frequency or mechanics of sex, but rather about pleasure and mutual enjoyment.

Q&A

What is responsive desire?

— Responsive desire is a type of sexual desire that emerges in response to pleasure, rather than being spontaneous.
What are the two primary parts of the Dual Control Model?

— The two primary parts of the Dual Control Model are the sexual excitation system and the sexual inhibitory system.
How does stress affect sexual response?

— Stress is one of the factors that can affect the inhibitory impulses in the sexual response process, potentially impacting sexual desire.
Why is creating a context important for a strong sexual connection?

— Creating a context that allows both partners' brains to have access to pleasure is crucial for sustaining a strong sexual connection in long-term relationships.
How does positive communication about sex deepen the erotic connection?

— Positive communication about sex with your partner can deepen the erotic connection and prioritize pleasure in your long-term relationship.

Timestamped Summary

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00:00
Understanding responsive desire can help resolve sexual desire problems.
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01:16
The history of sex therapy has three phases and two primary parts in the Dual Control Model.
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03:04
Sex is a mental process that detects all sexual cues in the environment.
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03:40
Sexual response is complex and influenced by various factors, including stress, body image, trauma, and relationship issues.
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04:46
The perception of pleasure is influenced by external factors and internal state, leading to different experiences with different types of stimulation.
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06:24
Creating a balanced sexual connection is crucial for long-term relationships.
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07:24
Communicate positively with your partner about sex to enhance your erotic connection and prioritize pleasure in your long-term relationship.
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08:40
Sexual well-being is all about pleasure and mutual enjoyment without any negative consequences.