What are the four horsemen of divorce?

The four horsemen of divorce are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which are negative communication patterns that can lead to the breakdown of a marriage.

What is flooding in the context of marriage?

Flooding refers to the overwhelming feeling of being emotionally and physiologically flooded during conflicts in a marriage, which can be a predictor of divorce.

How does physiological distress affect a marriage?

Physiological distress, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure during conflicts, can negatively impact a marriage and contribute to the likelihood of divorce.

What are failed repair attempts in a marriage?

Failed repair attempts are unsuccessful efforts made by couples to resolve conflicts or reconnect emotionally, which can indicate a higher risk of divorce.

Predict Divorce with 91% Accuracy: Expert Tips

Name: Predict Divorce with 91% Accuracy: Expert Tips
Uploaded: 2023-09-05 08:31:16
Description: There are specific signs and behaviors in a marriage that can predict divorce, such as fruitless fighting, the four horsemen of divorce, flooding, physiological distress, bad memories, and failed repair attempts.

This article is a summary of a YouTube video "How to Predict a Divorce with 91% Accuracy" by Dr. Mark Baker

TLDR There are specific signs and behaviors in a marriage that can predict divorce, such as fruitless fighting, the four horsemen of divorce, flooding, physiological distress, bad memories, and failed repair attempts.

Key insights

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According to marriage counselor John Gottman, he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy within the first 10 minutes of meeting a couple if they show signs of fruitless fighting.
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"The four horsemen of divorce: defensiveness, contempt, criticism, and stonewalling."
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The inability to communicate feelings due to flooding can lead to further issues in the relationship, highlighting the importance of emotional expression and open communication.
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Physiological distress, such as ulcers, back aches, and increased drinking, can be a sign of unresolved conflict in a marriage that may lead to divorce.
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Failed repair attempts can be a sign of trouble in a relationship, indicating a lack of effort to resolve conflicts and improve the situation.
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The problem in a marriage is not the fighting itself, but the inability to repair the damage caused by the fights.
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Communication and the ability to repair are crucial in maintaining a successful marriage, as coming to a common understanding and being on the same side are essential.
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The key to resolving conflicts in relationships is to focus on reconnecting with each other, as the subject of the fight becomes less important when there is a sense of connection.

Q&A

What are some signs that can predict divorce in a marriage?

— Signs that can predict divorce include fruitless fighting, the four horsemen of divorce, flooding, physiological distress, bad memories, and failed repair attempts.
What are the four horsemen of divorce?

— The four horsemen of divorce are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, which are negative communication patterns that can lead to the breakdown of a marriage.
What is flooding in the context of marriage?

— Flooding refers to the overwhelming feeling of being emotionally and physiologically flooded during conflicts in a marriage, which can be a predictor of divorce.
How does physiological distress affect a marriage?

— Physiological distress, such as increased heart rate and blood pressure during conflicts, can negatively impact a marriage and contribute to the likelihood of divorce.
What are failed repair attempts in a marriage?

— Failed repair attempts are unsuccessful efforts made by couples to resolve conflicts or reconnect emotionally, which can indicate a higher risk of divorce.

Timestamped Summary

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00:00
A world-renowned marriage counselor claims he can predict divorce with 91% accuracy within 10 minutes of meeting a couple based on signs of fruitless fighting, such as a harsh and negative startup.
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00:55
The four horsemen of divorce are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, with stonewalling being when one person in the couple is unresponsive and disengaged during conversations.
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01:38
Flooding occurs when someone is overwhelmed with so many emotions that they are unable to express any of them, which is a dangerous sign in predicting a divorce.
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02:01
Physiological distress, bad memories, and failed repair attempts are signs of a marriage in distress that may lead to divorce.
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02:31
Bad memories in a relationship, where only negative events are remembered and history is interpreted negatively, can be a sign of trouble, along with failed repair attempts.
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02:59
Repairing fights in a marriage is crucial, as fighting itself is not the issue, but rather the inability to repair the damage caused.
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03:21
Most marriages spend their time fighting about the same issues repeatedly and never fully resolve them.
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03:52
People fight in relationships not because of the specific issue, but because they want to feel connected, and once they do, the issue becomes less important.